St Baldrick's Day
by Ms.Informed13
Summary: "Regina's going to kill you." "It's like a train wreck, I can't stop looking." Belle sighed in exasperation once more before reaching over and smacking Ruby solidly on the arm, "Why did you let her do that?" SwanQueen AU Non magic, fluffy Two shot. Same verse as 'Counting Coffee Cups'.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a nonmagic AU but falls within the same world as my other story 'Counting Coffee Cups' does (you don't need to read one to understand the other) Emma and Regina are married happily and yeah, you'll get the rest.**

 **This will just be a short little two shot. With the next part up shortly.**

* * *

Belle rolled over with a pained groan. Cracking one eye open, she began to wonder if it was possible to hear light.

She was pretty sure it was.

When she rolled over, she was confronted with a warm, firm stomach. Small flashes of the previous night came back to her.

She pulled herself upright bit by bit, then suddenly, all at once. The change in position made her head swim and her stomach churn, but she ignored the urge to lay back down as she searched around wildly for the shock of blonde hair that she hoped desperately to find.

When she didn't find it, she smacked the lump she had woken up half on top of.

"Ruby, wake the hell up."

The brunette muttered incoherently when Belle just hit her again, "Ruby, up, now!"

Finally she cracked open her eyes, "What do you want? It's too early."

Belle put a finger to her lips to quiet her and nodded her head subtly to her left at the third and final person in the room.

"What's wrong with Em?"

The brunette rolled her eyes, "Look at her. Do you see anything different?"

Ruby sat up properly to look better at the sleeping blonde before it hit her, "Shit."

"Regina is going to kill you."

The waitress was immediately defensive, "Me? How is this my fault?"

"It's your fault because you bet me."

By this point, Belle was up and pacing the length of her bedroom where the trio had ended up at the end of the previous night.

Ruby rolled her eyes and stretched out her back, "Not my fault you took the bet. Regina is going to kill you."

"Shit."

Belle came back and perched on the edge of her bed, shooting another look to where Emma lay sleeping on the armchair in the corner of the room.

"God, is it just me or is it getting worse the more you look at it?" Belle asked, paranoid.

"Well stop looking!"

"It's like a train wreck, I can't stop." Belle sighed in exasperation once more before reaching over and smacking Ruby solidly on the arm, "Why did you let her do that?"

"I'm not her babysitter."

The two were interrupted from their childish bickering as Emma groaned and stretched. Her arms went up in a high arc to stretch her back. Belle froze watching her friend as Emma shot her a questioning glare, "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing." Belle's response was far too quick.

Emma reflexively reached a hand up to brush across her cheek, "Do I have something on my face?" Ruby froze as Emma's hands went further up and brushed the top of her head, "Ruby, where's my-"

"I swear it was your idea."

"Ruby, what happened-"

"I tried to talk you out of it, but Belle wasn't helping."

Finally, Emma snapped, "Ruby, why am I bald!?"

The waitress gulped, looking at the clearly displayed skull of her best friend, "Well last night, Belle and I celebrated St. Patrick's Day, and you celebrated St. Baldrick's Day."

"Excuse me?" Emma was hardly holding in her hysteria while Belle tried to edge her way out of the apartment without drawing suspicion to herself.

"St. Baldrick's Day. It's this fundraiser they do for cancer research, you get pledges to shave your head."

"Oh my God." Emma murmered, running a hand over her bare head.

"You got like five hundred bucks donated from all the guys at the bar though."

"Oh my God." Emma repeated.

"And you always did look better with short hair." Ruby tried, recalling the time in high school that Emma cut her hair to her chin.

"I've got to get home." The blonde was up in a moment, gathering her things, "Regina will probably be freaking out."

"She'll probably freak out more now that you've got no hair." Ruby muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Just shut up and give me a hat."

* * *

Emma came in through the front door of her small brownstone about thirty minutes later. She found Regina in the kitchen, humming happily as she spun from one counter to the next, preparing breakfast.

Emma snuck up behind, wrapping her arms around her wife, nuzzling her nose into Regina's hair, "I love the way your shampoo smells." She breathed.

Regina smiled, turning in her wife's hold. She reached up and pulled the hat Emma had stolen from Ruby off her head, "I always knew that your brain was big, now I can see clearly." She teased, running a hand over the smoothness.

"Yeah, yeah. It was so much better than I thought it would be, tricking Ruby and Belle."

"So you don't have any regrets?" Regina checked.

With a sigh, Emma shook her head, "No. I know I made the right choice, plus with the money I raised at the bar last night, it's a total of over two thousand dollars, just from my head. Not counting whatever the rest of the english department made."

"You students really must have wanted you to shave your head." Regina chuckled.

"You should have seen them when Doctor Emerson first came into one of my classes to suggest it." Emma recalled the chaos her co-worker had sprung on her a mere two weeks ago.

 _("The reading list for the rest of the course should be accurate, and I expect for all of you to have 'The Bluest Eye' in class next week." Emma was just getting ready to dismiss her students when the head of the Yale English department burst into her room._

 _He was the most active 60 year old that Emma had ever met, and he always teased her like a daughter, making her adjustment to being on staff quite easy._

 _"Hello, Professor Swan, mind if I address your class briefly?"_

 _They both knew that he wasn't asking, he was telling, and the sneaky smile on his face had Emma's stomach churning._

 _"Of course not, Doctor Emerson."_

 _He made his way to the front of the lecture hall, "As you all know St. Patrick's Day is coming up soon, which for you means green beer, and crappy pick-up lines." He joked, "But here in the English department, we take this holiday personally. Four years ago, Professor Steven's daughter, Emily, was diagnosed with cancer and to help raise money for research on childhood cancer, each year the English Department Professors auction off their heads. Or rather their hair."_

 _This was the first that Emma had heard of the tradition. It was her first year teaching, and she was a supporting friend of Professor Stevens, she and Regina had even baby-sat Emily a couple of times when she was out of the hospital and Stevens and his wife were taking a night out. Her students twittered in happy excitement._

 _"Professor Swan, will you be participating in the tradition of St. Baldrick's Day?" He asked merrily._

 _Her students all cheered loudly, giving her no option but to give in. She nodded her consent, with an embarrassed grin at how excited her students were to see her shave her head.)_

She told her wife that evening, already plotting how she could get back at her best friend for the April fools day prank that Ruby had played the year previous.

* * *

 **A/N- Please hold for adorable Swan- Mills baby cuteness in the next part.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- And here's the next part, hope you enjoy and can just pretend that this is near enough to St. Patty's day to be an appropriate post.**

* * *

It's an unusually warm day in March when the student government sets up the stage outside on the grass. They have decided to hold today's annual event outside on the main Quad. It's called the New Haven Green, right across the road from Welch Hall. It has the highest visibility and it's a popular gathering spot so they're sure to have a big turn out.

On the stage they set out the chairs, there's six out this year.

Holly Humphries, the student body president is pacing up and down in front of the stage with her clipboard- this is one of the biggest events that she has to set up all year, and she is twelve steps beyond stressed by this point.

"Do we have the generators set up and ready to go yet?" She calls over to a boy with large framed glasses who is typing on a laptop next to the stage.

"Yeah, power is a go." He confirmed. There was the annual St Patrick's day concert on the green featuring student bands after the event so they had to make sure they had everything ready.

"Have we gotten confirmation from the grounds keepers that they are going to keep the sprinkler system off? We don't need a repeat of last year." She muttered the last bit quietly to herself.

A passing blonde nodded in confirmation, "Yes, I spoke to them just yesterday."

"Good." Holly nodded to herself and continued checking over her list, "Power, gardening, what am I missing?"

She felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind as a head nestled onto her shoulder, "Talking to yourself again?" A deep voice asked directly into her ear.

Holly let herself lean back into the comforting hold, "Why? You won't want to date me anymore if I have schizophrenia?"

"Hey, I promised to love you no matter what- even if you're a schizoid."

The senior turned in her boyfriend's embrace, "That's so politically incorrect."

"Whatever you say, Ms. Psych major." The tall man teased, "What can I do to help?" The brunette was lightly teasing his girlfriend's sides with his fingers.

"Well first, you can stop distracting me." She shot a glare at the boy, and stepped marginally out of the hold, "Then you can double check the roster of professors participating and make sure that we have enough chairs set out."

Seth took the list his girlfriend offered him and scanned it over, his green eyes widening on the final name, "Professor Swan is doing it again?"

"Mhm." Holly hummed in confirmation, stepping back to help direct a couple of students hanging a banner, "Some of her thesis students started a campus wide petition, they raised twelve thousand dollars."

Seth whistled long and low, "This ought to be fun. Wait, who is the 'special guest' that you've got on here?"

A smirk crept across Holly's lips, "It's a secret, but I can tell you that they're an extra special local celebrity, and they managed to raise even more money than all of the professors added together."

The next couple of hours was spent with the student government running around to complete the preparations for the celebration of St. Baldrick's day. Throughout the day, students filtered in and took spots on the grass, some of them spreading out blankets to enjoy the uncharacteristic warmth while watching the festivities.

A couple of hours later, the professors all arrived in one large group. They were talking and laughing as they made their way to the stage that had been set up.

Doctor Emerson was in the lead and he bounced happily up to Holly, "Ms. Humphries, what a lovely set up you have here this year!" His cheeks were faintly rosy and his thinning hair was puffing up in the back, "It's quite impressive what the student government manages to organize here!"

Holly smiled and thanked him, the group of teachers all smelled faintly of alcohol, and she knew it wouldn't be a big stretch of the imagination if the professors had all gone out for a couple of rounds before coming to the green.

Seth came up to give his girlfriend any last minute support she may need and also to try and get any hints about who the special guest may be. Much to his dismay, the 'special guest' chair beside Professor Swan at the edge of the stage was still empty.

Before he could even try to open his mouth to pester his girlfriend about the special guest, Holly cut him off, "Can you go and ask Doctor Emerson if he would like to say a few words before they do the cutting?"

"Sure."

Seth jogged easily up the stage, stopping just behind the head of the department and waiting a moment to find a good time to interject, "So she's really going to do it?" The man was asking Professor Swan at the other end of the row of chairs.

"Yeah, her press secretary figures it's now or never. It's not an election year, her party needs some good publicity, and it ought to soften her image."

"Why does she need softening?"

Emma smiled secretively, "You didn't hear this from me, but next presidential election may be a big year." She winked at the other professors who were now hanging off her every word.

"You don't mean..." Professor Stevens left the question open.

"I've been sworn to secrecy."

Doctor Emerson smiled, giving away his joke before he even delivered it, "I'm not sure shaving off all her hair will soften her image, it might display the horns."

Emma rolled her eyes. Over the years the head of the department had taken on a more and more fatherly role in her life, and by extension a grandfatherly role in the life of her children. Part of that role was clashing heads with her wife over politics, "Just because you're a raging member of the Green Party doesn't mean that my wife is the devil."

The professors continued fighting goodnaturedly with each other and Seth asked Doctor Emerson about speaking. With his answer, the brunette headed down to report to his girlfriend. When he did, he spotted a brunette in heels and a pencil skirt stalking quickly across the grass. She was wearing dark sunglasses and a long coat with the collar turned up, the toddler held on her hip and the young boy clutching her hand were in stark contrast to her attire. Seth couldn't be sure but he narrowed his eyes to watch the woman's progress.

"Holly, is that- it can't be..."

The student body president just got a sneaky smile, of course her Political Science major boyfriend recognized the special guest.

Seth watched the woman climb the steps and strut across the stage as if she owned it, she dropped a kiss on Professor Swan's forehead depositing the young boy in Emma's lap, and she took the final seat, shedding her coat and sunglasses, adjusting to hold the squirming toddler in her lap.

"That's not Senator Mills?!"

"It is."

"Holy shit."

On the stage, the senator was smiling and talking with the professors, though she had met all of them at the holiday parties held by various members of the department, she was always treated as a bit of a celebrity.

Not that her kids got that memo. The girl in her lap was a carbon copy of the senator, dark hair beginning to curl, lightly tanned skin, and warm chocolate eyes. Eyes which at the moment were darting around wildly taking in her surroundings. She alternated between clutching at her mother's hair and trying to leap into Professor Swan's lap instead.

"She's Professor Swan's wife?" Seth asked, incredulous.

"Mhm, I thought you knew." Holly was too busy sorting out the news crew who had just arrived to fully respond to her boyfriend's revelation.

"I knew that the senator was married to a professor, I just never realized it was Swan."

"Yeah, I think they've been married for around fifteen years now."

With the way the two were interacting, fifteen years seemed to be about right. Senator Mills seemed to have finally corralled the small girl in her lap to sit quietly, Professor Swan had one arm slung around the back of the brunette's chair and Seth could see her idly playing with the ends of the Senator's hair.

By this time, the green was getting quite filled and the news crew was all set up for the special interest piece being filmed about the Senator. Up on the stage, the hair stylist that had been brought in was just getting finished plugging in and arranging her tools.

"How was your day, Peanut?" Emma asked sweetly to the little girl in Regina's lap.

"Good." The girl smiled wide with all her teeth, and tiny dimples that so much resembled her brunette mother, "I drawed with Tina."

"Drew, dear. You drew with Tina." Regina automatically corrected.

"I drew." The girl tried it out, feeling how the word tasted in her mouth.

"And what did you do Hen?" Emma turned to the boy who was entertained by the men in the department on the stage.

"Played soccer."

"That's great." Emma smiled, running her hand through the boy's hair. It was flopping down just over his eyes, and she knew that Regina was soon going to insist on haircuts.

A few minutes later, and the festival was all set to begin. The barber began on Doctor Emerson's end of the stage, working her way down. As she went to each professor, they would announce how much money they had raised for the foundation and then they would say goodbye to their hair.

When they got to Emma, and she announced her over five thousand dollars, Regina stood to take the razor. She buzzed a large swatch of blonde off the middle of her wife's head and relinquished the razor to let the professional finish the job.

Next up was Regina. She raised over twenty five thousand dollars thanks to the generous support of her party members and the numerous feminists who supported her (soon to be) announcement of becoming the first woman running on her own for president. Emma, now bald for the second time in the past few years, grabbed the stool that was sitting on a back corner of the stage and positioned it right next to Regina's chair. She lifted their young daughter up onto the stool and held her securely around the middle.

"Alright, Peanut. Are you ready to shave Momma's hair?"

The girl nodded and Emma helped her hold the trimmers. Regina cradled their son on her lap as the girl took off a swervy patch of hair. The two women traded kids so that the older boy could have a shot at buzzing off his mother's hair.

His cut was a little more in a straight line, but still not quite perfect. When he finished, he handed over the razor and watched with a bright smile as the rest of the Senator's hair was shaved off.

When the barber was done and the stage had been cleared, the first student band got set up and began their first song, and the professors all congregated off to the side for some photos.

Regina still held the small girl on her hip and Seth (along with all the other students gathered on the grass) couldn't help but notice how perfect the little family looked together. The little girl reached up, running her hand in amazement over Regina's now bald head.

Emma followed suit, carefully tracing over her wife's head, "I knew there weren't any horns there." She smirked.

Regina gasped in mock offense, shooting a glare at Doctor Emerson, and knowing that he must have been behind any accusation of her having horns.

"Even if there were though, I would love you." The blonde smiled.

"Are you sure?" Regina confirmed.

"Absolutely positive. I would love you no matter what, even if you didn't look amazing in a power suit and even if you were old and wrinkled. Because I am so hopelessly in love with you, Regina Swan- Mills."

The brunette couldn't help but melt at her wife's words, "I love you too, baby." It wasn't often that she pulled that endearing name out in public, but when she did, Emma knew it was something special. In response, Emma reached around their girl to sneak a sweet, chaste kiss from her wife.

That exact moment (one little toddler on Regina's hip, and Henry glued to Emma's side, both women bald, liplocked, and entirely in love) was caught in a photo which graced both the mantle of the Swan- Mill's mansion and became one of the main campaign photos for Regina's run at the presidency.

It took a while, but eventually their hair grew back, Regina's barely brushed her shoulders in time for her to make the official announcement of running for the White House. By that time, Emma was tenured at Yale, Henry was in his full fledged twelve year old realm of self- righteousness, and Charlotte, their little Peanut, was just getting ready to enter the fourth grade.

* * *

 **A/N- I love this little world and will probably be posting more in it, so stick with me people. Hope you enjoyed this, and drop me a review to let me know what you thought/ what you want to see these four do next!**


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